Memoirs of a Robot
by Sonic Rose
Summary: Perhaps the most unusual protagonist to have its own story; E-91; Kunoichi from Sonic X. This side story is complimentary to Ups and Downs as well as Little Things. Sideline to SIL/Flirting Shadows series.


Author's Notes: E-91, Kunoichi is © of Sonic Project/TV Tokyo and hails from Sonic X.

This story is a side dish to the Shadow in Love stories, started back in Flirting Shadows. Specifically, this story begins in "Ups and Downs" And will draw to its climax in "Little Things."

This is a Oneshot, so don't expect a sequel!

* * *

I guess it started when I saw _those eyes._ They were a deep crimson hue, but behind them, there was intelligence. It was like she was expecting me...Shadow's child.

I was told to kidnap her, though why, I did not know. I didn't need to. Robots do what they are told, that is all. The few who rebel find themselves sooner or later destroyed. I had no reason to disobey; why would I? It was easy too...sneaking in. The lavender cat was on the couch asleep, and I was quiet. I am usually quiet; after all, I am a ninja robot. The child's room was easy enough to sneak into as well; there was no challenge to it.

It was when I saw those eyes, though, I think...that's when I truly became self-aware. Shadow may be the "Ultimate Life Form," but his daughter Maria seemed perfectly normal. Small, dark blue and reddish-brown...but those eyes...she stared right at me, even though I had slipped by both parents and a guest unchecked. I don't know what I expected, but I saw something in those eyes that touched my core...my being.

From the first time she cried as I carried her off, I felt some part of me break away and die, and something else awaken. I started thinking about _why_ Eggman wanted the child, and what would be the end of her once that purpose was complete. It is not good to question your creator, but I'd hardly call mine benevolent. It acted out in a strange form of caring for the child, that whatever my master did, _I_ would protect her.

* * *

Much as I expected, the father came seeking his offspring. If it had been some low-profile, no-name Mobian, there would be no doubt the infant would have gone nowhere. For everything we have been programmed with, survival was not one of them. There was a certain air of doom for most of the grunts, who thought about nothing but their tasks; all external forces were dismissed unless they interfered with basic function...a flaw that left many destroyed before they even knew what was happening. I don't know if I expected to win or lose…I...just felt I had to fight..._for the child_.

I lay sparking on the floor a while, only able to gaze in one direction, peering partly into the Emerald Chamber. I could hear voices, but my speech center was destroyed, and my linguistics damaged. The red one and the fox arrived shortly after. I saw the red one holding the baby, and my body wanted to move, though it only sparked and twitched, I suppose. I was losing power rapidly, and by rights, it should have, but I held on.

I had...a _will_. To live? To die? To dream? I did not know. It was an abstract beyond logical replication…an infinity loop, contemplation of pi. To a robot, that is all madness; and no good comes from it.

A black and green light exploded from the room I could only help but gaze at. That Chaos wind, that energy...I was overwhelmed. It caused most systems on the ship to shut down or temporarily malfunction. It also destroyed a number of my robot brothers. Only the highly advanced, semi-sentient were left functioning. The light seemed cruel to me...I wouldn't exist long enough to find out what it was, what had me, and then it went black...a numbing, cold void. I thought I saw seven lights...then nothing.

* * *

Apparently, I was salvaged from the doomed floating fortress as Eggman and his remaining minions fled. I did not expect to "live," as one would say. My optics had improved, as things appeared to me in full color with even more sensor capacity. I knew it was different, that _I_ was different. I dismissed the feeling as the simple effect of having a new body, but part of me knew better. My eyes...th_ose eyes..._I could still remember them.

"E-91!" Eggman had bellowed, and I flinched automatically. Fear was part of our programming...we all feared crossing Eggman; we all did.

"Eggman-sama!" I found myself replying automatically, working to right myself. I paused when I saw fur on the back of my hand...my gray and white furry paw of a hand.

"I am afraid we are in a bit of a bind" Eggman began as he explained what had happened. Shadow had used the power of the emeralds to attain a "super" form, and from there, his entire army went down like a house of cards. Every resource he had seemed lost, destroyed, or occupied. Only the base in which we were hidden remained a safe haven for him. It would take years to restart a large scale invasion from here...so he was changing tactics.

He went on to explain my new purpose and appearance as a Mobian lynx. Going to Earth or Mobian cities was dangerous, as they were on high alert following Eggman and Nega's little invasion plan. I'd be wary myself, since that plan may have destroyed both worlds in the process. I killed my curiosity as to the status of the baby he'd had me capture, knowing it completely irrelevant to what he was saying... I would be a good little stealth robot, but my new assignment was social stealth--mix with Mobian society in order to relieve them of everything from food and supplies to news and "sensitive" information.

For some reason, I felt nervous. I had never felt that way before, but it was a tenseness, not unlike that which precedes a battle. But it was there. I tried to convince myself that it was only the concept of "social stealth" that presented me a new problem. Eggman had done his part by disguising me, and so well, I had to wonder if he wasn't a pervert deep down; considering I was programmed as a ninja, a master of disguise, and a sexy dancer, I suppose logic dictated the assumption was true.

* * *

Near Needle Canyon was a town out in the desert, aptly named Sand City. It was mostly populated with desert hares, tortoises, and coyotes. It was here I first realized how little Eggman really knew or understood about the people he sought to rule over with an iron fist.

My appearance was not a problem, and turned quite a few heads. It was the ones who sniffed the air as I passed that drew my attention. "Excuse me...I didn't quite catch your scent," was a very common thing they said to me and threw me instantly into a defensive. My excuse was "I just showered." But they seemed unconvinced. I feared they would find out I was a robot, and thus, fail my master. A few suggested I had weak scent glands and should have them looked at...odd. Very odd. Especially to one with the programming of a human. My size may have always been comparable to a Mobian, but the intel all flowed from a fat round human source.

A little pilfered perfume took care of any more questions as to my scent's existence. It did not, however, deter questions of what my "natural" scent was, or if I'd taken a mate. Said questions left me flustered every time, even though I managed to make up excuses.

Many males offered me a free lunch or dinner, with a promise of more in their tone. As good as my upgrades were, there was no way either would be possible. It was a testimony as to how realistic I appeared. The synthetic fur and flesh even seemed to fool me at times, as I started to meld with the Mobians. Aside the occasional grope or perverted leer of would-be suitors, I was starting to...enjoy my time away from Eggman's base.

I saw things in the cities and towns that I never had a chance to observe before...people just going about their lives. Children holding hands with their parents seemed to intrigue me most. Shadow's daughter was on my mind when I saw them; I wondered how big she was as the days and weeks dragged on. I heard laughter, saw kindness... It was such a far cry from the minimal appreciation and maximum amount of puffery I came back to whenever I returned to my master. There was even some amount of contempt in his eyes as much as there was admiration when he looked at me; I was _that Mobian_.

* * *

I think, of all the new robots Dr. Eggman built or rebuilt, only Metal Sonic knew how I felt as I began longing for something beyond the cold metal walls of the new carrier Eggman had just about completed. I wanted _comfort._ It was something I felt in the easy, slowed pace of Mobius, which I probably would not have found if he'd set up camp on Earth.

I remember Eggman asked me to go fetch him once, and he was outside the base watching a sunset. He looked at me with _those eyes._ It wasn't the crimson in them that all of his robots had, or the blackness where there should have been white; it was the burning behind them. He was searching me for something and acted as though he did not hear when I called him. The third time, he gave a shrug.

"I'll be in when I'm ready," he replied dismissively.

I paused, knowing this was not an acceptable answer, but as the pinks and oranges tinted the horizon, I felt compelled to stay. "...He said he wanted to see you now, about some upgrades."

"I'm sure," he said simply. He then looked at me again. "What do you see?" he asked me and waved at the dimming sky.

I inclined my head in confusion as he asked a second time with what seemed impatience. "I see...a sunset."

"What do you see _in_ the sunset?" he asked with even more interest. Sure, we had personalities; all his latest robots did. This went beyond preprogrammed sass.

"I don't understand." I felt something bleeding inside me, though every system within told me I was fine. It was that dying sensation again, and I suddenly felt like I was suffocating inside.

"Don't play," Metal Sonic replied and looked back at the horizon. "You and I can both see thousands of details, we can zoom in on single leaves in the distance...change our view to that of heat or infrared...but I'm not asking what you see. I'm asking what _you_ see. Not what your sensors tell you, what _you_ tell you that you see."

"You're not making sense," I lied. If I said the sunset was beautiful, I would suddenly insert something subjective into my views, something not permissible to a robot. We can find beauty in nothing unless we are programmed to do so. I was not programmed, so I shouldn't have been; I know Eggman didn't do so.

His tone became dark and dangerous. "Tell me," he insisted, and sat there silently and still as a rock.

"...I see colors," I began. No intelligent robot would ignore Metal Sonic; he is and will be the finest robot he has ever made in my opinion...and the most dangerous. "...And it evokes what I would classify as an emotional response from me."

"It makes you happy, or makes you desire something, doesn't it?" His tone became noticeably softer and he inclined his head my way again. With my nod, he smiled. "Thought so."

"Please come..." I asked, returning to my original task. "He will be angry if you do not return with me." Though I turned, I made sure he was following...the eyes had become _that way_ again.

"Fine." He lagged behind me, but not to follow me, but to defy Eggman. He wouldn't return a second before he wanted, in his time. I'd noticed him doing things like this; it seemed like he intentionally wanted to make Eggman angry with him. "I guess I don't need the ol' skinhead taking apart anyone else like you."

_Taking apart? _"I do not understand," I replied with a hint of worry in my tone. Any robot with the fear of being dismantled had this, as fear was programmed into us of such.

"You do." He laughed with bitterness in his tone as we reentered the base. "Remember the Metal Cream we had walking about?" All I could do was nod. "He didn't like her. She was too good, so he took her apart. Probably do the same to Amy if she weren't so much like the original." He sighed. I remained quiet. "He didn't think she could fight, but y' know...a little encouragement goes a long way." He snorted contemptuously. "Clingy bitch is programmed to idolize me, but eh, I'd rather have someone intelligent to talk to than one of these drones..." he trailed off, and forcibly shoved one of the humanoid robots walking around the complex. He took great delight in the thing tripping off a rail and then falling to its certain doom.

A bit of outrage flared up in me, and he seemed to smile at it. He came to a full stop in one of the loading and unloading areas of the new Egg Fort, watching a number of cheap drones scramble about carrying supplies or assembling things. They were like bees in a hive, each having a purpose, doing what they needed, and no more or less. Perfect robots.

He stood in one's way; it went around him. He tripped one; it got up again. He smashed a crate; another cleaned it up. No reaction was given, no heed was paid to the robots who walked both within and outside their programming. Programming told me he was dawdling, and far more than his programming should allow. _Sense_ told me I should wait for him, and that same sense told me I would be the one falling to my destruction if I didn't.

"Oi! Robot!" He smirked and stood in one's way. Now that he'd addressed the unit, SB0087, it regarded him with a single red optic sensor in the middle of a helmet-like head. "Ahh good...you guys aren't all dumb and stupid. Well then...what do you see in my eyes?"

"Nothing. There is nothing in your optics. Crystal-metal sensors appear operational and clear of debris," it replied in a completely unemotional or baffled tone.

Metal's laugh was that of a madman. "Ohh man...you're too much." He smiled sourly, and in the blink of an eye, his fist went through the power unit in his chest and pulled back the Chaos drive. His foot then kicked it clean across the room, plowing through several robots and crates before coming to a stop. He smiled at the blue liquid capsule he retrieved and twirled it between his fingers for a moment before breaking it and spilling the contents on the floor. He then looked at me. "What do you see in my eyes?" he asked, softer than any human could hear.

I looked in his eyes, and I saw something gentle beside the burning. "I see...intensity...and despair...and kindness."

"Impossible." His tone was very gentle considering what he'd just done, his hands releasing the cracked tube and letting it shatter on the floor. "Unless you're unique." His eyes held mine for a bit, and if I'd had a heart, it would have stopped. There was bitterness, futility, desperation; I saw it very clearly. "Yes...E-91...Kunoichi." He lightly touched my forehead and ran his long metal fingers through my fur as if to pet me. "I believe...you are the only truly unique robot Eggman has ever built."

"...We need to go," I insisted and tried to hurry him along. You can't hurry him along because he runs on his own time.

"Congratulations. You can now disobey Eggman." He spun on his heel back to a set of large double doors leading further into the Egg Fort. He didn't let me ask; he just went on. "What's your purpose?"

"I...well...I do whatever Eggman needs, but my primary function is spying." I'd let my tone become more natural, as it was in the Mobian cities. I always _became Mobian_ when I was with them, and turned back into a _robot_ when I returned. I always saw it as an act, but I know now it was more.

"I was made to defeat Sonic." His fists clenched as he strode down the hall, and the drones seemed to give him a wider avenue to travel, like they sensed what he would do if they got in the way. "Once that's done...that's it for me." He smiled a bit, but that bitterness ill suited the one he was made after. "I still want to fight. Eggman can try to dismantle me when it's done, but I still want to fight. You know why?"

"Because...you are programmed to?"

"No." He raked his claws against a passing robot, but it moved as though it hadn't even seen him. "Because _I_ want to. I want to defeat Sonic because I want to prove I can do it. I no longer need Eggman's programming as an excuse." The softness returned to his voice, "But you...if all you have is his commands, then follow them...but if there's anything you _want_ more than that...take it."

* * *

_I want_... It's not a robot concept, another algorithm in a long series of mathematic equations that make us up. But I knew he wasn't talking about anything that could be programmed. We both knew that once we started talking about desires...we were talking about something frighteningly close to what the living call a _soul_. Deactivation and destruction suddenly became death, and for what we were that is an ultimate abyss with nothing beyond it. That explained the sadness and bitter resentment…to have something like a soul, but not be real. Even beyond programming, we could not fathom God or a High One. As long as our bodies were metal, we treaded a thin line between life and mere existence. _I want my soul to be real_...

So now, here I stand once more, at a crossroad. _I want_ to keep that spark, that intensity, that blaze that makes me _feel_. I long to go beyond the programming I force myself to follow for appearance's sake alone. We're on the move again... The last chance Eggman has for his plans, his _wants_ to come true. I've already captured Tails' daughter like a good little robot...but I have one last stand to make. One more battle, and sadly...I don't think that this time...I will be coming back. _I want to live. Help me...please!_


End file.
